Optimism in the Face of Hardship

CNN reports on nine people who are keeping optimistic attitudes in spite of personal challenges and the daily onslaught of bad news.
Optimism in Tough Times

Memories Now

Living in the past can be seductive. The passage of time transforms memories into TV highlight reels. We remember the big moments and forget the mundane. We remember the good times with joy, the embarrassments with humor, and the traumas with wisdom

Living in the past is seductive because it’s not really living at all. Life is far from a highlight reel. It’s work. Reminiscing is passive; living is active.

But the hard work of living is what creates those big moments. Often the big moments hit us when we least expect it. One of my most joyous moments was the first time I witnessed a smile from my first child. What was I doing at the time? Changing his diaper! And after toughing out a little league season as one of the weakest performers in my league, I won our team’s championship by getting a game-winning double down the right field line. It was only my second hit of the season. When I think of all the years I struggled to learn baseball, that’s the moment that comes to mind first. The hundreds of strikeouts are just fodder for laughs.

This highlight reel of memories struck me as valuable some years ago when I was down on my luck, out of a job, and nearly out of money. I figured that it was worth putting this phenomenon to use at that moment, rather than waiting for my future to provide me with a bright past. As long as I was putting in the hard work of living, the highlights would come. True to form, they came when I least expected them. After sending out over 200 resumes and interviewing with over 20 companies, a job offer fell in my lap out of left field. The job had no direct connection with any of my efforts. But my actions and focus brought the opportunity to me indirectly.

What we focus on and act on creates our lives. When I fall into the trap of lamenting or complaining, I get more problems. When I have goals that excite me and I take action on them, good things come my way.

So go out and create your highlight reel. Put in the work to make your memories now.

In and Out of the Groove, or Limbo - The Future is Now

Once a year, I carve out two full days to focus solely on getting my tax records in order. Those are a couple of my least favorite days of the year! Poring over receipts, reconciling statements, and reviewing tax regulations all go completely against the grain of my interests. But then, so do a lot of the daily tasks of life.

Everyone has a groove. Some of us love business, some of us love sports, some love fashion, some love animals, some love creating – the list goes on and on. The lucky ones find their grooves and find ways to spend their lives working in their grooves. But even those lucky ones still have to spend time outside of their grooves.

No matter who it is, no matter how successful they are, no matter how fulfilled they are, they still have to deal with mundane activities each and every day. The star athletes don’t get their days in the spotlights without spending hours practicing and preparing each day. The movie stars and music stars don’t get great roles and recognition without hard work. The CEOs don’t get to run companies without tolerating long hours, withering abuse, negotiations and politics. Nothing great in life comes easy. Every overnight success took at least seven years, so they say.

To be in the groove, we have to be out of the groove, a lot. Having the will to be out of the groove, pushing through the mundane and challenging tasks is what gets us in the groove. If you have ever felt resistance to something, only to feel great satisfaction after you got it done, then you know what I mean. It’s easy to give in to laziness. But the decisions we make affect the way we feel.

Giving in to laziness puts us in limbo, that place that’s neither in nor out of the groove. Limbo is escapism. But it catches up. I know that if I don’t do my morning workout, I will feel weaker, more tired, and less enthusiastic about life all day. But if I do the workout, I feel stronger, more alert, more enthusiastic, and more satisfied. To get over that initial resistance, I have to get myself to live in the future now. I have to understand and appreciate how I’m going to feel after I have made the decision to motivate.

I love to just chill out and relax, even when something needs to get done, until I reach the end of the day and feel the frustration of another day that slipped by without anything to show for it. For me, it’s so easy to give in to distractions and temporary pleasure. Some of these activities can actually feel productive. Chatting it up with friends, surfing the net, goofing off on facebook are so much fun. But I know I’m in limbo when the guilt, the regret, and the realities of unpaid bills and unfulfilled goals set in. Limbo feels so easy at first, yet so painful later.

So how do we get out of limbo? How do successful people find the fortitude to do the out-of-the-groove activities necessary to get in the groove? Simple: they see the future now! They are able to push through that initial wave of distraction and resistance because they can clearly see the options that lie ahead. They can see themselves doing the mundane and enjoying it because the mundane is on the road to growth – the road to the groove.

Spending a little time out of groove is sometimes called “putting in the time” because it is something that reduces over time as our skills develop. Practice makes perfect, right? Are the music stars still playing those sleazy clubs to empty houses? Are the CEOs still pulling all-nighters to crank out reports? Are the pro athletes still spending their entire days working out and preparing. Of course they are still working hard; but they are over the hump. The hardest work is behind them. They still have to put their time in each day. But now it’s not so hard because they have developed good habits. They are out of limbo. They know the future is now. They found their own way to enjoy the journey.

What’s your future? See it. Believe it. And make it now. Take the journey. Spend some time out of the groove, knowing that you’re really in the groove, and knowing that the groove keeps gets groovier.

Get out of limbo. The future is now. See it. Believe it. Live it.




P.S. I wanted to write this entry two days ago; but I had to finish my taxes.

Our Thoughts Affect Our Physical Realities

Lynne McTaggart summarizes recent quantum physics research about the impact of our thoughts on our physical environments: All Tangled Up

The Biology of Beliefs

Check out this Time article about the health benefits of spirituality:
The Biology of Belief

Remembering

Remembering is my key to a good life.  I know it’s the key for many others who manage to have a good life.

Like all of us, I’ve had my share of good times and bad times.  Thankfully, I have learned to practice remembering the good times and forgetting the bad times.  This trait prompts some people to consider me forgetful or flippant.  That’s okay.  It’s my choice to forget.  The heartbreaks, the career blunders, the financial disasters, the embarrassments, and even the personal tragedies -- for me, they’re all just challenges in the game of life.  If I didn’t have those challenges, then my triumphs and my special moments, or even routine events, like seeing my family every morning, or getting my car started, or noticing the sun coming up for another day, would have less meaning.

I know.  It’s easy to view our lives fondly when times are good.  But it’s how we respond when the going gets tough that elicits more good times.  Have you ever noticed those people who seemingly have it all, but are perpetually bummed out?  Or maybe you know someone who struggles to make ends meet but is always ready to lend a helping hand.  What gives?

My friend Jose can barely pay his bills every month, but he never hesitates to offer me his time or his consideration.  Yet Kathy, who in her life has never had to check the price of anything, is perpetually unhappy and never seems to have anything good to say about anyone.

Why do some people radiate good times?  You know the ones I’m talking about.  The people you love being around.  Even in your lowest moments, these folks can help you forget your misery.  What do they have?  What’s their secret?

They practice.  They practice remembering how much power they have over their own lives.  And because they practice, they are effective at remembering.  Like everyone else, they have their painful, challenging life obstacles.  But they are adept at pulling themselves out of the pit --- at seeing the glass half full, at looking on the bright side, at having a great perspective.  They’re good at remembering how powerful they really are.

I have been working at remembering my power for many years.  And I’m still working on it every day.  The art of remembering first hit me over twenty years ago.  I worked in a job that, I thought, made me miserable. (I’ve had a few of those; haven’t most of us?)  I thought it was all about my job.  My boss hated me.  I was bad at my work.  I found it highly unsuitable to my interests.  The hours were brutal.  And I never had time to pursue any interests or diversions.  But one day, when the world seemed to be crashing down on me, I learned to remember.

It only took ten minutes.  A simple ten-minute change of scenery gave me just enough time to set myself straight.  I slipped outside and started walking.  I looked around and took in the world around me.  The change in focus got me out of my head.  It quieted my internal cacophony of misery.  I got lost in the moment.  It was amazing how the simple act of moving my body and changing the focus of my eyes reset the focus of my mind.

It makes sense.  Our minds need reset buttons to break our cycles of funk.  Minds take in sensory cues from their surroundings, automatically associating sensory cues with feelings.  The simple act of breaking those sensory cues can jar a mind out of its cycle.

Sure, it was a lot easier for me to feel better when I was out of the office.  But resetting my mind also allowed me to sustain my new healthy perspective and stay focused on my power when I returned.  I broke the cycle and remembered that I had the power to change.  I remembered that my life wasn’t all about this moment.  I remembered some simple, wonderful moments that had come before.  I remembered that there was a whole world out there that didn’t care about my little problems because they were facing bigger ones.  I remembered that my intention to create better moments would, eventually, show me the way to a better environment.  Of course, I had to be patient to make lasting change.  But that’s a topic for another day.  On that day, I realized that my situation was created by things that I did, by decisions that I made, not because of anything that happened to me.  If I wanted to change my situation, I had the power.  I remembered my power.

Do I still forget to remember?  Of course.  So if you catch me forgetting, please remind me to remember.  And remember to practice remembering.